You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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