Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
