Who did Billy Mays play for?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
