I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Please don't give away my fajitas
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
