when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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