I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
