I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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