Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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