love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
