I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
