i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
