You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
