she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
