The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
