Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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