4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
