Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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