i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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