it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
