we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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