Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
