ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
