I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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