She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
