so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
