We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
