i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
