Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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