My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
