dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
did i just pee glitter
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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