I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
