Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Even my vagina gasped.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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