Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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