he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
