Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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