I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
