I just saw a hot homeless man
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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