WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
