There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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