He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
