we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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