I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
