Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
