Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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