for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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