plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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