i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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