U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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