i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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