Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
