im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I love having hate sex.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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