you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
