Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
