he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
