Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
